August 3, 2009

Sanctity of marriage update

Authorities say Therese Ziemann, 48, punched the married man in the face and glued his penis to his stomach.
Even so, that probably beats getting punched in the penis and then having your face glued to your stomach. If one had one's druthers.

On average, same-sex relationships are believed to reduce the likelihood of penis-gluing incidents by 50%, where roughly half the domestic partnerships are characterized by 100% fewer penises.

And: Wisconsin loses 'Most Progressive Democracy' title to Albania.

3 comments:

John Foust said...

I question your math. Putting aside the opposite marriage couples, where only one can get their unit glued, in male-male there's two units and twice the opportunity of any unit being glued, and in female-female there's zero.

So, ceteris paribus, any increase or decrease in unit-gluing frequency beyond the opposite marriage baseline might come from the relative numbers of male-male couples versus female-female couples.

Of course, you don't have to be married to get your unit glued.

On the other hand, I'd say that being married Up Nort' and having three girlfriends on the side would increase the odds of getting one's unit glued.

I also point out that googling 'homosexual penis "super glue" ' will lead to learning experiences. It might also be a case of urban legend inspiring real-life acts.

illusory tenant said...

My calculations only allow for vindictive, unilateral penis-gluing, whereas yours appear to contemplate mutually consensual penis-gluing. But I'll admit I don't read Dan Savage's column in The Onion often enough to offer any further insight into the latter.

illusory tenant said...

Also? I am not googling that.