Continuing his 2009 Tour of Africa, Joseph Ratzinger (a.k.a. Pope Benedict XVI) admonished Angolans to abandon their unusual beliefs in witchcraft and sorcery.
Earlier, performing an ancient and mysterious incantation, Mr. Ratzinger purported to transform a slice of bread and a goblet of wine into the body and blood of a legendary 1st century Rabbi.
Der Papa is traveling the sub-Sahara in an armored, glass-enclosed Mercedes Benz, into which His Holiness is elevated by hydraulic lift.
Two of the faithful met an untimely despatch Heavenward after they were trampled outside a soccer stadium, the scene of Mr. Ratzinger's latest engagement. Eight others were reported hospitalized for undisclosed afflictions. Which doctors were assigned is also unknown.
Closer to home, a Madison Bishop fired a beloved member of the Catholic laity for the crime of being much too intellectually honest.