Gingrich suffocated by the "country folk"

Theocrats preach in VA, Jefferson rotates in crypt

What an event this must have been:

"We are living in a period where we are surrounded by paganism," proclaimed the thrice-married and godly defender of traditional betrothal, evangelist Newt Gingrich.

He couldn't have been that surrounded, as reporters were barred from the festivities, which were broadcast on "God TV."

Also on hand was Faux News "personality" Mike Huckabee, who described a garden variety State referendum as a "miracle from God." Miracles just ain't what they used to be, apparently.

(Still more miraculous is the fact that the said State is home to 30,000 legally married same-sex couples, whereas same-sex marriage is simultaneously illegal in that same State.)

Added Newt Gingrich, speaking to the pure accident of having been born within some random, artificial political boundaries: "I am a citizen of the United States because only in the United States does citizenship start with our creator."

Or, for others, permanent legal residency and the occasional anchor baby. Newt stumps for Scott Walker in Milwaukee on June 29.

No pagans allowed.