Behold, I come as a thief. — Rev. 16:15

Want to notify your insufficiently godly friends in the event of Rapture? For 40 bucks a year, You've Been Left Behind Services will archive your personal messages of joy and regret and when Jesus suddenly snaps you up, automatically send them via e-nail to the remaining heathens, just before they're consumed by the river of blood and/or the lake of fire. Praise!

This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.

While the five team members are currently certified Raptureable, the website's marketers have considerately factored in a 40% Raptureability reversal quotient, just in case two team members are disqualified for the sin of, oh I don't know, duping impressionable suckers into paying 40 bucks a year for 250MB of disk space.

h/t Brazen Maverick.