January 4, 2011

Wisconsin's Priebus doomed: Ex-RNC chair

Is what it says here.

Reince Priebus, the Chairman of the Wisconsin Republican Party whose unlimited view of Congress's power to regulate interstate commerce is indistinguishable from Nancy Pelosi's — according to the conservative Republican Base — will last only a ballot or two when the Republican National Committee elects its new Il Duce* on January 14.

Sitting chair Michael Steele, who in happier times was Priebus's bestest pal in the whole world, was expected to bow out first.

Five candidates for the position were interviewed yesterday by wing-nut pundits Grover Norquist and Tucker Carlson, who subjected the hopefuls to such penetrating queries as, 'How profound is your ardor for Saint Ronald Reagan' and 'How many guns do you own.'

"One of our biggest youth movements was Ronald Reagan," replied Priebus of the former president, the oldest in American history, who left the office precisely one month short of his 78th birthday.

Reince Priebus claimed to own five guns, a tiny arsenal by comparison with that of Missouri's Ann Wagner, who owns 16 including an assault rifle, the mention of which inspired an excited burst of applause from the gathered faithful (I'm not kidding).

The candidates also fielded a written question from the National Organization for Marriage's Maggie Gallagher, inviting each aspiring GOP leader to define the scope of their various homophobias.

Priebus's impending doom comes in spite of his promises to "work absolutely like a dog," as much as "five or six hours a day."

* One candidate repeatedly vowed to "make the trains run on time."

5 comments:

John Foust said...

Woof, woof! Good Prince Rebus, good boy!

In the new administration, the only two trains that can be mentioned are the Little Amerricka Whiskey River Railway and the Midcontinent Snow Train.

Jason Haas said...

Surely, they can lead us to no wrong. Or other such brilliant exercises of creative phraseology.

I'm a bit amazed at how much attention the RNC chairman race has received. Especially when you look at how few people can vote for it. You'd think it was the next presidential election. (Which, scarily, is in less than two years.)

John Foust said...

Dang, Comedy Central stole my Prince Rebus.

Ordinary Jill said...

I noticed that Ann Wagner answered the gun ownership question using the pronoun "we" -- which makes me think that the guns in her house actually belong to her husband. Is Missouri a community property state?

illusory tenant said...

Nope: Equitable distribution.