Wisconsin Republicans seek activist judges

Update: Dear Leader affixes Great Seal of Kenya to health bill

In an unprecedented maneuver, two prominent Wisconsin Republicans are urging the courts to strike down federal legislation enacted contrary to their own personal preferences.

The Republicans, Mark Neumann and Scott Walker, both have designs on the Wisconsin governor's mansion and its "Cadillac" medical insurance coverage. Neumann is an affluent building developer who could afford to fly to Canada for heart surgery while Walker has been cashing a government paycheck for nearly 17 of his 42 years.

Yesterday they appealed to a third Republican, Wisconsin Attorney General J. Byron Van Hollen, to take affirmative legal action with a view to preventing thousands of working Wisconsinites from gaining improved access to basic health care services which for some reason they believe is an election-winning strategery.

In so challenging the law, the Republicans would join Texas, where this month all references to the reputed author of the Declaration of Independence and incipient Frenchman Thomas Jefferson were officially expunged from history books and replaced with paeans to Phyllis Schlafly, an heroic Disco-era opponent of equal rights.

Details of the contemplated lawsuits were sketchy, but according to some reports they were related to the federal government's power to regulate commerce among the several States, which the U.S. Supreme Court has ruled extends only to imprisoning a cancer patient for cultivating a medicinal herb in the privacy of her own apartment.

That Court, led by the progressive titan Justice Antonin Scalia, deduced that failing to imprison her would further encourage the activities of freedom-loving capitalist farmers in Bolivia.

Constitutional experts were astonished by Neumann and Walker's public entreaties. Several noted that it would mark the first time anybody other than a godless liberal Democrat had barreled straight into federal court to overturn the will of the people as duly expressed through their democratically elected representatives.

"These Republicans are taking a strip off Madalyn Murray O'Hair's successful crusade to rid the schools of prayer," said one. "And look what happened after that: General Motors stopped making Oldsmobiles and cable teevee started showing Bad Girls Club."

"Also, the gays," he added.