Prof. Amy Wax believes it's caused by the gay agenda.
And the gay agenda, says Father Jeremy Davies of Westminster, is driven by "a contagious demonic factor." Father Davies is also the town exorcist, looking to drum up new accounts, apparently.
Even regular old missionary position intercourse, if committed outside of marriage, is a "pathway for evil spirits," sez the exorcist, who took a four-month training program in Rome under the Catholic Church's top caster-outer-of-demons, Father Gabriele Amorth.
Satan doesn't mess with married people, or something.
Furthermore, Satan is working overtime to blind "secular humanists" to the "dehumanising effects of 'homosexual marriage.'" Dehumanizing humanists — clearly an insidious Satanic trick.
Satan also reportedly keeps in shape by performing "trendy exercise" such as yoga and even finds time to compose your daily horoscope.
So stay away from those, even "for fun," advises Father Davies.
Satan himself was unavailable for comment, despite Father Davies's claims that he's relatively easy to summon via séance, Ouija board, or the local atheist, who of course maintains close contact with most supernatural personages including Zeus, Thor, and the leprechauns.